Companion Worksheet · Fill Out Separately, Compare Bravely

What Good Means A worksheet for defining the marriage you actually want — with one small catch.

Before you can measure a gap, close a gap, or complain about a gap, you have to define the standard. This worksheet is where you write it down. Each spouse fills one out on their own. Then you trade.

Working assumption baked in: a marriage exists to increase joy, reduce burden, and share responsibility — ideally in that order.

Who's holding the pen?

Same worksheet, same rules, same math — this only tunes the example phrases to how each of you tends to talk about these things. The mirror doesn't care who's looking into it.
⚠ THE ONLY RULE — READ BEFORE WRITING

Whatever you write down as an expectation of your spouse is, from this moment, expected of you too.

We call it the Mirror Rule, and it's doing quiet, important work: it makes "unload the dishwasher by 8pm" a very expensive thing to write, and "help that shows up before I ask" a very wise one. Tasks are outputs. Good is a standard. Write standards you'd be proud to be held to — because you're about to be.

SEC. 1

The Order of Operations

Three purposes, deliberately ranked. You'll write your definition of good under each one.

1

Increase joy

The point of the whole enterprise. If the marriage runs flawlessly and nobody's having any fun, congratulations — you've built a very efficient sadness.

2

Reduce burden

Life is heavy. A marriage should make each life in it lighter — not by keeping score, but because watching your person struggle and doing nothing isn't love.

3

Share responsibility

The mechanics. Two owners, no supervisor. Ranked third on purpose: it serves the first two. It is not the mission statement.

SEC. 2

Write Your Definition

Up to three entries per purpose — scarcity is the point. Phrase each one as a standard (a few words, no verbs required), tap an example to borrow it, and watch the mirror answer underneath.

1 · JOY What does joy look like at your best?

Not events, not date-night quotas. A standard — the felt thing you hope this marriage keeps producing.

Need a starting point? Tap one:

3 max — good is a standard, not a wish list.

2 · BURDEN What makes your life lighter because they're in it?

Where do you most want the weight shared — not the chores, the weight?

Need a starting point? Tap one:

3 max — good is a standard, not a wish list.

3 · RESPONSIBILITY What does true co-ownership mean to you?

Beyond the chore chart. What does it mean for this life to have two owners and zero supervisors?

Need a starting point? Tap one:

3 max — good is a standard, not a wish list.

SEC. 3

Your Definition of Good

This is what you'll trade with your spouse. Notice the fine print under every line: it's yours now too.

In this marriage, good means…

Your definition compiles here as you write. The mirror is warmed up and waiting.

    SEC. 4

    The Honest Mirror

    One last stop before you trade: fifteen statements about how things currently go, rated Never to Always. No score, no verdicts, nobody's on trial — the mirror just reflects the story you're carrying and quietly points at anything lopsided in it.

    0 of 15 answered

    WHAT THE MIRROR NOTICED

    These are observations about your story, not facts about your marriage. The most useful question isn't "who's right?" — it's "what would my partner's worksheet say?" Trade and find out.